Pregnancy #2: 14-18 Weeks Update

It's time for an update! I think I'll do an update once a month since I'm working on blogging more :)

Pregnancy #2: 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 Weeks Update

I'm currently 18 weeks pregnant with Baby B #2 and a lot has happened in my world these last few weeks or so. 

Baby B at 15 weeks!

18 weeks! 

What's Happening with Me:

How far along? 18 weeks 

Total Weight gain? About 11 pounds total so far

Sleep? I'm been sleeping pretty well and I've started getting into a routine this month which has helped me establish a new wake and sleep time. Routines really help me! 

Best Moment this Week? Seeing Baby B! I've been going in bi-weekly and I just so happened to see baby B today! We are also getting ready to move into a HOUSE so I've been busy packing and Jacob has been busy painting! I'm excited about a place of our own and praying that this home is the home we bring Baby B home to. Also praying that it's filled with years of laughter and lots of love. 

Miss Anything? Nope, not really :) 

Movement? Not yet but any day now I should feel baby move! I was told that I have an anterior placenta again so I might not feel movement right away. I had an anterior placenta with Naomi which buffered a lot of her movements. 

Food Cravings? I've been craving Starbucks Mocha Frapps recently and I'm thinking because it's so hot outside! Plus they taste really yummy! 

Morning Sickness? No, not really. 

Boy or Girl? GIRL!!!!! I'm overjoyed that Naomi is getting a little SISTER!! Ever since my 12 week Doctors appointment, my Dr has said that baby looks more Girl than Boy. At my 16 week scan at my OB's office it was confirmed GIRL and then again at my anatomy scan at 18 weeks. She is looking great so far! So thankful!

Maternity Clothes? YES! I've been wearing some maternity shirts my sister gave me. Jacob and I went clothes shopping at the beginning of the month so I got a few things. My Mom also sent me two maternity outfits which I've been enjoying! It's so nice to feel comfortable in the clothes I'm wearing. 

Belly-Button IN or Out? It's pretty much disappeared. It's flat. 

Happy or Moody? I'm feeling pretty happy most days. Again, taking it a day at a time, trusting the Lord for this sweet one. 

Looking forward to? MOVING! I'm ready to be done with packing. I will be taking a day off from work next week to get the house set-up. 

Fitness Update: I've been working on a workout routine and I've been incorporating more #21dayfix workouts which I've been loving! Each workout is ONLY 30 minutes and I can modify anything I need to. 

I used to be a gym rat, meaning I felt like getting out of the house would help me have a good workout. Back in December when my gym membership needed to be renewed, we decided not to renew it to save money. I also was working on building my home workout collection so I'd have all I need to exercise from home. I wasn't sure how the transition from the gym to the living room would work for me, and surprising myself, I've been loving it! It used to take me 15 minutes to travel to the gym in the morning. Now, all I do is get dressed and walk to the living room to #pushplay! Within 30 minutes, I've had a great workout! I'm hoping once we move and get settled, I'll been more consistent with workouts. Right now I'm averaging 3 workouts a week. 

Other Updates: I went to the Doctor once during the last month for a reassurance ultrasound. I has having some anxiety caused by a twitch in my abdomen. It honestly freaked me out because I remember feeling something similar when I was carrying Naomi. Dr checked on the baby and she looked great. He wasn't sure what it was. Pregnancy after loss is a huge walk of faith, trusting God for a healthy, full-term baby. I'm so thankful that God is with me and we don't walk this road alone. Please continue to pray for us and Baby B! I don't think I've mentioned that we're due in December!

Well, that's all for now! 

What are some of your favorite at-home workout DVDs?

Naomi is a BIG SISTER

This post has been in the making for sometime now, and what that means is that I wasn't sure how to share the news or even if I would share it.

Ever since we lost Naomi, I have been crying out to God for a baby. My arms have been aching to hold my sweet child and I know that her sibling would never ever replace her.

I am at the end of my first trimester and the days have been full of prayers for this sweet one. I take it a day at a time fully realizing that each day with this baby is a GIFT from God. This baby is in God's care as He's knitting him/her together. I know that I can TRUST my God to care for us.

So here's what has been happening with me:

How far along? 13 weeks

About 12 weeks!

Total weight gain/loss? About 6 lbs.

Sleep? I've been pretty tired this trimester but I'm not sure if it's entirely because of pregnancy. Grieving is hard work and it takes a lot of energy. I'm doing better than I was three months ago but I will always miss Naomi. I've been sleeping pretty well and continue to sleep on my side. Also, I haven't been as active as I usually am so that might also be contributing to me being tired. I'm hoping to get back into a consistent pattern of exercise. It will not only help me sleep better but feel better overall.

Best Moment so far? Seeing Baby B, of course! I've been going in for ultrasounds/Dr visits bi-weekly since 7 weeks and I will continue to go in that often until I reach the gestational age of when we lost Naomi, then I'll go weekly.

Miss anything? Nope! I'm so thankful to be pregnant again and I will gladly give up anything I need to to have a healthy little one.

Movement? Not yet. I'm praying this Baby will be an active little one.

Food cravings? I've craved cereal this trimester, specifically Lucky Charms and Reese Pieces. I don't buy sugary cereal like ever so this was a treat! Also, I can always go for Mexican food! I craved Mexican food a lot with Naomi. I've also craved Publix sub sandwich! I had one around week 8 and it was SOOO good!!

Morning sickness?  Thankfully I don't have morning sickness that bad but I have felt more queasy this time around. Usually a snack helps take care of any ill feelings.

Boy or Girl? Not a 100% sure yet but my Maternal Fetal Medicine Doctor did say at my 12 week ultrasound that baby is looking more GIRL than boy! As we get further along this will be confirmed <3

Maternity Clothes?  I feel like I've started showing a lot sooner this time around and because of that, my regular clothes feel tight! I have definitely been using my belly band for a few weeks now!

Happy or Moody? A little bit of both. I am happy to be pregnant again but because of our late loss, I also feel a little bit on edge. I feel like I'm in constant prayer with the Lord over this baby.

Wedding Rings ON or OFF? On

Fitness Update? Ever since losing Naomi, I haven't been as active as I usually am. I was still working out 4-5 times/week up until we lost her and since then, my goal has been to doing something 3 times a week. A walk, a lite jog, PiYO, just SOMETHING! So, I've been walking about twice a week and incorporating weights on one of those days and doing PiYo to equal three days a week. I'm hoping to get into more of a routine soon.

Other Updates: Since we don't know what happened exactly to Naomi, I am being monitored a lot more closely this pregnancy. I'm seeing two different Doctors, my regular OB and a Maternal Fetal Medicine Doctor. I'm thankful for a care team that knows that this pregnancy may cause some high anxiety moments for me and are willing to see me anytime I need reassurance.

I've also been incorporating the book "Pray Through your Pregnancy" by Jennifer Polimino into my Time Alone with God. It's helping me keep my mind focus on God and not all the worries/doubts the Enemy wants to throw my way.

Jacob and I have seen so many rainbows recently and every time I see one, I cry. It's such a beautiful reminder of God's covenant with His people. Rainbows come after a storm and there's a reason why babies born after a loss are called "Rainbow babies". 

I'm looking forward to getting into the second trimester!

Are there any resources you use to keep track of baby's progress?

Pregnancy Photo Timeline

I thought I'd share photos from my pregnancy with Naomi. 

The morning I found out I was pregnant was Cow Day at Chick-Fil-A

I took another pregnancy test just to make sure! I was 5 weeks here. 

A tiny bump is starting to show

Feeling good! No complaints.

Naomi at 18 weeks.

Half way!

Last time we heard her heartbeat.

Thanksgiving 2014 Turkey Trot. 24 weeks 5 days

The First Few Weeks

I feel like I could write pages and pages of the way people have cared for us over the last few months. I do want to share briefly what has been very helpful and encouraging to me.

The night we found out Naomi died, my in-laws came over with dinner and just spent the evening with us. Jacob had to make arrangements with school to ensure his classes were covered for the remainder of the school year so it was nice to not be alone. 

                                                                                       

Our pastor and his wife and our small group leaders visited us in the hospital the day I was scheduled to deliver her and prayed with us. Both of our families spent the day with us as well. It was nice to not be alone.

Immediately following Naomi’s death, I felt numb inside and really just felt like all of this was a complete nightmare. It didn't seem real. Making decisions was extremely hard; everything from the simple, everyday decisions, like what to wear, what to eat, to having decide on burial and funeral arrangements.  

Our church created a meal list and for an entire week we had all our meals provided. This was a HUGE blessing and very thoughtful. I mentioned in an earlier post that eating was difficult, not physically but emotionally, so I was very thankful for all those sweet friends that brought us food. We had more than enough!

I had a few friends come over just to sit with me that first week home. They listened while I talked or they just sat with me in silence. I wasn't looking to others to explain to me what happened and in fact, I didn't find it helpful when people would offer their explanations. None of us know why this happened. Only God does. The way my friends and family have responded to our loss is the way people should respond. There are no words to say and giving a hug is really all that’s needed.

I have been told that people from all over the country have been praying for us. Knowing this has been overwhelming and very humbling for me! I really believe that the prayers of the Saints and the strength from God is what has gotten me out of bed every. Single. Day. Thank you for praying!

We have received cards, text messages, and emails from friends and family reminding us that they have not forgotten Naomi and are praying. These sweet reminders are encouraging because this journey doesn't all a sudden end after a certain amount of time. It’s a process. Grief is interesting because it comes in waves. One moment I’m okay and then the next I’m reminded of what should have been and I’m overwhelmed with emotion.

Everyone will grieve in different ways so what has been helpful for me may not be helpful for someone else. The best thing you can do for someone experiencing loss is to pray.

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Romans 12:12

Pathology Report

After Naomi was delivered, my placenta was taken to pathology where it was tested for infections and chromosomal defects.

At my 5 week postpartum appointment, we were told that the testing done on my placenta all came back normal.

So what does that mean?

As far as we can tell, nothing was wrong with Naomi. She didn't have any infections, there wasn't anything wrong with her genetically, and the umbilical cord wasn't defected.

Honestly, we were relieved to hear that news. I knew nothing was wrong with her! She looked great at all her ultrasounds. My 18 week anatomy scan didn't reveal anything out of the ordinary. In fact, my OB said she looked great!

So what happened?

We don’t know. We don’t have an answer. I would like an answer because it makes me feel like if I know what happened to Naomi then I can prevent it from happening again. But the truth is, I’m not in control and I never was. God is in control. I have to rest and trust in His sovereignty always, even when things don’t make sense. 

A Letter to Naomi

Dear Naomi Joy,

Never did I imagine that this would happen. It shouldn't happen but it does. This has been the most painful experience. My heart hurts and longs for you. 

July 11, 2014 I found out I was pregnant for the very first time. I was so excited! I told your Dad immediately because I could not hold it in--forget about coming up with a really cute way to tell him! I couldn't believe that God was creating new life inside me and that this baby would be mine. Just thinking about that brought tears to my eyes. I was full of so much joy! I wanted to shout it from the roof tops. I started dreaming of life with you. I so deeply desired a baby girl and in my heart I had a feeling you would a girl. I had to wait until I was 8 weeks along to see you. On August 5, 2014, I heard your heartbeat for the very first time. It was the most beautiful sound. Your sweet heartbeat was beating fast and it was high. We left with sweet pictures of you. 

We couldn't wait to tell your Grandparents. When we told Gramme and Papa, they both cried. Papa called you 'Little Peanut'. Grandma and Grumpa were so excited too. Aunt Joy cried. Grandma and Grumpa called you 'Little Hummingbird'. We were all so excited!

I read all about how to have a healthy pregnancy. I ate lots of spinach and kale; drank a lot of water and exercised. You were the best running buddy I'd ever had! I thought you'd be my little runner. 

On October 13th, we found out you were a girl! The best birthday present ever! Later that week we had a party to celebrate and we announced your name--Naomi Joy. Naomi means pleasant and your middle name comes from your Aunt Joy. I was so excited about pink clothes and hair bows; Mother-Daughter outings; painting your toe nails and finger nails; telling you about Jesus. 

I tried to talk to you often and I loved singing to you at Church. So many people talked about you and you were already so loved. You brought so much joy to our lives Baby Girl. 

You looked great at all your doctor's appointments. You were growing and I was very thankful. My placenta buffered a lot of your movements so I didn't feel you move much. You were always curled up in a little ball and your little hand was behind your head. You were just hanging out in there. You looked so cute. I thought for sure you would be an "easy" baby. 

The last time I heard your precious beating heart was November 10th at 22 weeks. In the weeks that followed that appointment, I began to suspect something wasn't quite right but I couldn't pin point it. I felt good and I never had any cramping or bleeding, so really, I thought all was okay. 

On December 10th, we went to the doctor's office for our next routine appointment. I was 26 weeks along. I was so excited to see you! But, you weren't there. You didn't have a heartbeat. It was the worst day of my life. We called your grandparents, aunts and uncles. We were all and are heartbroken! 

The next day at 11:49 p.m. your body was delivered. Your body was tiny and lifeless. I held you and cradled you. Your sweet head had a little bit of hair. Your little mouth was open and your hand covered your face. 

Our attending nurses, Wendy, Tess, and Terri were so kind and wonderful. They cared so well for us. It's God's grace that one of the best Doctors was on-call that night. I can see God's hand in all the details of that day. God was taking care of us in the midst of sorrow and He's been holding my hand ever since. 

I don't know what happened to you sweet girl and I would've done everything in my power to save your sweet life. Your Maker was knitting you together in my womb and you were so wonderfully made. You were beautiful Naomi!

I know you are in the arms of Jesus and that truth brings some comfort. The reality of moving forward in life without you is what is so painful. Eating feels difficult because you no longer are getting nourishment from me. My breasts are full of milk and that's hard because you don't need it. 

One day I will meet you and hear you laugh. I will hold you and rock you just as any Mother should. 

Baby Girl, I love you so much! You will always be in my heart. 

Love, 
Mommy

Naomi's Handprints

Nice to Meet You

Welcome to Living with Hope, Choosing Joy! I've been toying with the idea of creating a blog for some time now, and after praying about it, I decided to give it a try. Now, I've started a blog in the past, usually to document my travels overseas as a way for family and friends to keep up to date with my adventures; however, about after a month I would go MIA. I guess I just "forgot" about my blog. Well, here I am again. Maybe things will be different this time :) 

...I'm Hope! I'm first and foremost follower of Jesus and my desire is to glorify Him in all that I do. I'm married to a wonderful, kind, gentle man named Jacob. We got married June 2013. Summer 2014 we found out we were expecting our first child and we were over the moon excited! I had a beautiful 6 months with our baby Girl, Naomi Joy, until she went home to Jesus. I'll share more in following posts.

If we were meeting face-to-face, I picture us sitting at my kitchen table with a cup of coffee sharing our life's joys and struggles. This is a place for me to process and share my journey of loss and grief; how God is restoring my heart; how I'm choosing to hold onto joy. It's also a place for me to share some of the things I'm most interested about, like health and fitness, homemaking, eating and cooking REAL food, etc. 

I hope this blog will encourage your heart just as so many others have encouraged mine.

Me and Jacob

Thanksgiving 2013

**Disclaimer: This blog most likely won't be grammatically correct so if that's a pet peeve of yours--Sorry! Hope you'll still read :)